Home Again

One week ago today, I had climbed mountains, forded streams, followed rainbows--can you hear the surging orchestra?--and was about to "search high and low" yet again at a hotel on our way home from New Hampshire.  I feel a huge sense of relief and accomplishment at having slept at three hotels, as well as another home, over the course of two weeks.  Not a wink of sleep was lost, praise the Lord! Naturally, I spent a good deal of time scouring mattresses, headboards, nightstands, and carpets on this vacation. This was all great joke fodder, and everyone delighted in watching me search wide-eyed and serious through the room before allowing anyone to breathe or set his overnight plastic ziploc bag down--in the bathtub. After two weeks of vacation though, I had almost become comfortable putting books and bags on the floor, letting my hand touch the nightstand next to my side of the bed while I slept, washing clothes every three days in cold water--in general, not having to think or do as I have the past ten weeks.  It was a vacation from my problems (#whataboutbob?).  Yet for the first time that I remember, I didn't want to come home again.  The eighteen-hour trip back to South Carolina was riddled with dread.  I wanted to stay comfortable, unchallenged, mindless.  Friday as we traveled and Sunday in church God began revealing (again) my idols of ease, comfort, and control.

And a ruler asked [Jesus], “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’”  And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.”  When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”  But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich.  Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!  For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”  Those who heard it said, “Then who can be saved?”  But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”   Luke 18:18-27  

I am like the rich young ruler who has just been busted by the God who sees the depths of my heart and calls out my idols.  The ruler clung to his wealth; I clutch ease, comfort, control. The "hindrances" to my joy--bugs, labor, worry, people--are really God's spotlight on my soul, His kind and gentle uncovering of "my precious." The ruler went away sad.  I know how he felt.  How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!  How difficult it is for those who trust in chariots, horses, strength, cleanliness, an unaltered schedule, peace and quiet, predictability, health, intelligence, well-behaved children, a good reputation . . . to enter the kingdom of God!  

I am nonplussed.  I don't understand my weakness and inability to lay my idols down once and for all.  

"Then who can be saved?"  "What is impossible with man is possible with God."  This is why Jesus came.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

I run to the author and finisher of my faith.  I trust that this little, momentary affliction--if I can even call it that--is God's plan to perfect my faith.  I trust in His faithfulness, His character, His plan.  
We have seen no bugs or evidence of bugs since our return.  Yesterday the bug guys came, saw, and sprayed.   Good news!  We move on to the final stages of treatment:  one more round of pesticide in three weeks and then a final check three weeks after that.  So long as no more bugs show up.

  

Getting ready to go on vacation involves using suitcases and staying at a hotel.  Help!  The exterminators gave me a low-toxic spray to use on our suitcases (to repel bugs although I don't think we have any there) and in the hotel room (definitely using it there).  Another precaution we're taking is packing our overnight clothes in large ziploc bags to avoid any possibility of bugs from the hotel.  I've discovered, thanks to my aunt, some fantastic, heavy-duty, inexpensive ziploc bags at Dollar Tree, and over the last ten weeks, I have made several trips there, procuring bags by the dozen. I've used these to pack all our clothes and items on bookshelves.  On one occasion, the cashier at Dollar Tree asked me if I were the woman who was buying up all their bags.  Wow.  I didn't see that coming.  Paranoid, I suspected that she suspected me of bed-bug infestation.  I offered some sort of "spring cleaning" explanation (which is true) and started buying my bags at various other Dollar Trees in town.  
So all I have to do now is chill.  The kids are great at this. Speaking statistical logic to myself helps somewhat:  "You haven't seen a bed bug in over a month.  You haven't seen spots on the bed sheets in three weeks.  The bug guys have promoted you."  Speaking truth about God to myself helps infinitely more because these truths are certain and don't change:  "He will never leave me or forsake me.  He delights in me. He never slumbers or sleeps.  He cares for me."  I'm learning slowly and sporadically.  

Celebrating and rejoicing today in my blessings!  I'm a happy wife, a joyful mom, a contented homemaker of an apparently (I'm hoping) bed-bug-free home, a citizen of the best country in the world, and an awestruck child of the God of the universe! 

The bug guys were back today.  They've been coming every two weeks throughout May and June.  This was a "good" visit in my book.  As eager as I to overlook the two possible, sort-of spots I discovered June 17, they promoted us to "every three weeks" status.  My entire family had already declared the house bed-bug free yesterday.
Not so rashly optimistic am I.  I distinctly remember the mental rush to dismiss a bug problem the first ten days of our ordeal and the fluctuations of finding evidence one day and nothing the next.  Am I a realist or a scaremonger?   The answer changes as often as bed-bug proof.
Several weeks ago we watched a video in church.  An elderly Czech woman testified to living most of her Christian life through two totalitarian regimes, the Nazis and the Communists.  She said that the Bible tells us 365 times not to fear.  "And so we didn't," she declared.
What?! And SO we DIDN'T?  That's it?!
Amazing faith! And I can hardly wake up in the morning without itching.  That Sunday this woman was my hero of the day.  I wonder if she had a clue that one day her faith would speak to a spoiled, feeble, 46-year old American woman, whose biggest struggle at the moment is not prison, torture, or death.  It's bed bugs.
I am challenged and humored, but not ashamed.  This is the test God has given to me.  His gifts, sometimes difficult, are always good. They are evidence of His grace in my life, and I am grateful.

Today my youngest, 12, went to camp.  I caught a glimpse of his little head in a window at the back of the bus as it drove out of the church parking lot.  Wow.  I'm a blessed mom.  Keaton was sitting next to Q.  Yes, Q is off to camp as well, one of the good byproducts of Peter's meeting with Q's mom last week.
Scrupulous concern for the camp, our own son, and the other campers took Peter and Q to Walmart this morning to buy everything he needed--clothes, bathing suit, socks, shoes, underwear, sleeping bag, snacks.  From home, we contributed some toiletry items, a well-baked duffle bag, and some disposable towels.  Q was beaming with excitement when I saw him before he got on the bus.  God is so kind!
I have had some polar reflections today about Q and the bed bugs.  One, of course, is the fear that somehow we weren't fastidious enough in preparing Q.  Just one bed bug could wreak havoc in a camp, in homes across the South, in our own home--again.  The other thought is complete and utter gratefulness.  To be part of God's family, His kingdom, His plan is such an undeserved and unfathomable joy.  Why worry about bed bugs, really?
We studied Colossians 4:2 in church yesterday:  "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful in it and thankful."  How timely for me!  1) Devote myself to prayer--no explanation needed, 2) be watchful--I need to be on my guard against fear, 3) be thankful--God has been and is working, and His promises are unshakable!  My fear will cause me to turn away from the security of prayer to the despair and futility of my own tactics. Watchfulness and gratefulness are the antidotes.
So today as I swing from one deep thought to another, I am confident and thankful that Q and Keaton and I are still in my Shepherd's hands, and nothing can tear us from them. John 10:27-28, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand."

Today my oldest turns 22.  I can't believe it.  I must be pretty old.  It's hard to remember what I did before kids (or what I did before bed bugs--ha!).
I spent an hour today doing my weekly vacuum-scouring upstairs.  This time I got my two youngest kids to go before and behind me, moving and replacing furniture in each of the four rooms.  Why haven't I done this before?  It took less than half the time it used to take me to do all that moving and shaking.  (But probably burned half the calories as well.  Tough choice.)
When I got to Kai's room, a piece paper on the wall next to his desk grabbed my attention.  On it is printed II Chronicles 20:12b, "We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” Acknowledging God's power, sovereignty, and promises to His people, Jehoshaphat stands in front of the assembly and pleads with God to rescue Judah from approaching invaders.
We haven't heard from our little friend Q in three weeks.  Something is wrong.  Peter and the friend who also had a stint with bed bugs back in May went to find him this afternoon.  The visit with his mom didn't go well.
II Chronicles 20:12 has been on Kai's wall since last summer; so I've grown accustomed to it.  But today, as I vacuumed, it was fresh encouragement.  

The bug guys came this past Thursday.  They were not happy that a bed bug was found, albeit dead, in the study (see June 5 post).  With my characteristically prohibitive conscience, I felt like a school girl caught with unfinished homework--even though I feel like I've done all that I can! Perseverance, Karen.  Be tenacious.  Stay the course.  Don't crumble in a heap on the floor and bawl.
I remembered the feeling of hopelessness I felt (and sometimes continue to feel) the first night after Cami found the first wretched bug in her bed.  I woke up at 4 am sobbing loud enough to wake Peter.  I couldn't see any hope for ever ridding ourselves of bed bugs. Peter has often talked of selling our home to move closer to the church.  Kiss that dream good bye.  We have had people of all ilk live in our home. It's now a mind-boggling surprise that we haven't had bed bugs before now.  But is that era of hospitality over forever?  Peter reminded me that night that God is sovereign over the bed bugs, over our home, over me.  Then I remembered that same feeling of hopelessness when I was confronted by my sin and the condition of my soul. Nothing I did was good enough. No good deed or scheme could remedy.  All was lost.  That's why Jesus came.  Hope rushed in.  He is Lord of sin and death. He is Lord of the Bed Bugs.  If He can take away my sin, He can surely take away these little pests.  He is my only hope.  Psalm 42:5, 11; 43:5, "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
So the bug guys and I attacked the house again Thursday. Saturday was the 11th day of no signs of bed bugs--a record!  Yay!  Sunday I found small spots on Connor's and Keaton's bed sheets.  Hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.