One week ago today, I had climbed mountains, forded streams, followed rainbows--can you hear the surging orchestra?--and was about to "search high and low" yet again at a hotel on our way home from New Hampshire. I feel a huge sense of relief and accomplishment at having slept at three hotels, as well as another home, over the course of two weeks. Not a wink of sleep was lost, praise the Lord! Naturally, I spent a good deal of time scouring mattresses, headboards, nightstands, and carpets on this vacation. This was all great joke fodder, and everyone delighted in watching me search wide-eyed and serious through the room before allowing anyone to breathe or set his overnight plastic ziploc bag down--in the bathtub. After two weeks of vacation though, I had almost become comfortable putting books and bags on the floor, letting my hand touch the nightstand next to my side of the bed while I slept, washing clothes every three days in cold water--in general, not having to think or do as I have the past ten weeks. It was a vacation from my problems (#whataboutbob?). Yet for the first time that I remember, I didn't want to come home again. The eighteen-hour trip back to South Carolina was riddled with dread. I wanted to stay comfortable, unchallenged, mindless. Friday as we traveled and Sunday in church God began revealing (again) my idols of ease, comfort, and control.
And a ruler asked [Jesus], “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Those who heard it said, “Then who can be saved?” But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:18-27
I am like the rich young ruler who has just been busted by the God who sees the depths of my heart and calls out my idols. The ruler clung to his wealth; I clutch ease, comfort, control. The "hindrances" to my joy--bugs, labor, worry, people--are really God's spotlight on my soul, His kind and gentle uncovering of "my precious." The ruler went away sad. I know how he felt. How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! How difficult it is for those who trust in chariots, horses, strength, cleanliness, an unaltered schedule, peace and quiet, predictability, health, intelligence, well-behaved children, a good reputation . . . to enter the kingdom of God!
I am nonplussed. I don't understand my weakness and inability to lay my idols down once and for all.
"Then who can be saved?" "What is impossible with man is possible with God." This is why Jesus came.
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23
I run to the author and finisher of my faith. I trust that this little, momentary affliction--if I can even call it that--is God's plan to perfect my faith. I trust in His faithfulness, His character, His plan.
We have seen no bugs or evidence of bugs since our return. Yesterday the bug guys came, saw, and sprayed. Good news! We move on to the final stages of treatment: one more round of pesticide in three weeks and then a final check three weeks after that. So long as no more bugs show up.
